I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
