You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
