I wish I could teleport
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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