Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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