dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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