afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
