And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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