To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize