One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
