Someone shit on the floor
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize