we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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