I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
