sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize