I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
