why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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