I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
