connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
