We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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