look no pants
You can't motorboat a personality
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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