I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
