I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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