my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
