I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
