btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
