just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
