I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
