ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
