just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wear drunk well.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
