yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
