i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
