Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
