Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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