Having a random hookup so left but love u
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
