Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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