just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
