Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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