Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dear god my vagina.
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