my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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