I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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