new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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