Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
