How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
