My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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