Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize