she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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