I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize