Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
