from now on my penis is your penis
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
