Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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