it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
