Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
