3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
