so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
