Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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