I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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