also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As shirtless as possible
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
