the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
