Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
