So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
