i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I could make wine with my vomit
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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