Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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