I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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