ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
