'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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