If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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